


endings and beginnings

by minkawaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, ah yes shitty feelings, fear of failure lol, inside oikawa's mind ft. iwaizumi, like a character study thingy idk, no this is not angst it's just sad, tears (from oikawa not you silly), uh i wrote this very rushed, very short because i cant write things with a large word count for the life of me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:08:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28838304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minkawaa/pseuds/minkawaa
Summary: ‘Did I fail everyone else?Or did I fail myself.'
Kudos: 2





	endings and beginnings

‘Am I a disappointment? Is there a reason why all I do is let people down, never reach the expectations set for me, and fail?

What  _ is _ a disappointment?’

That was the only thing on Oikawa’s mind the bus ride home after Aoba Johsai’s crushing loss. 

He knew that tried his best,  _ he knew _ that he worked hard, but did he really? Couldn’t he have done more? Pushed himself just a little harder? If he had just stayed an hour longer at practice, an hour longer studying video clips of the Karasuno’s matches, maybe they could have won. 

_ But they didn’t. _

He was supposed to be the winner. He was supposed to be the great senpai, flaunting his victory. They had already beaten Karasuno once before,  _ why not this time?  _ Did he do something wrong? 

‘Did I fail everyone else? 

_ Or did I fail myself.  _

Am I just trying to make an excuse to feel bad for myself? Didn’t I know, deep down inside of me, that I wasn’t always going to win? That even if I  _ did _ put in the extra hour, extra day, extra week, that I was going to lose eventually?’

But knowing all of that just makes the loss feel worse, doesn’t it?

Oikawa leaned his head against the window, tilting it at an angle where the rest of the players on the bus couldn’t see him tear up again. They had already seen him ball his eyes out once, and that was one too many times. 

As more and more thoughts invaded his mind, he could feel himself swirling down the pit of guilt, a place he had been too many times before. 

So many times it almost felt like… home.

“Home.” Oikawa softly whispered. Iwaizumi heard, but knew better than to ask. He understood that Oikawa was lost in his thoughts, and wouldn’t want to ruin the few moments when he was actually quiet. 

Oikawa watched the sun go down, signalling the end of the day. 

Everything comes to an end, whether that be winning streaks, careers, even shitty feelings. 

But was this the end for Oikawa? No, no. This was only the beginning of a long journey.

And after a lot of silent crying, Oikawa smiled as the vibrant colors of the sunset melted into the blue of night. 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve always had this big fear of failure, or disappointing people, which goes along with my abandonment issues. I see a lot of me in Oikawa, which is why, with this fic, I tried to reflect my emotions through Oikawa’s perspective.
> 
> I also know that the events dont exactly match what actually happened, like im pretty sure that it wasn't night time when oikawa got back home from tokyo (or was it idk). the point is, this isn't completely canon.


End file.
